I was supposed to get up at 5:30 this morning, so I could get working sooner. But then the alarm clock game started. 5:30, 6, 6:30, 7 – I woke up, but then sat in bed until 7:15 trying to start the day with prayer, fumbling.
Pushing past the irritating sensation of a frigid apartment, I head out for a walk.
Breaking. The. Routine.
Sleep start: October 3rd, 2014 11:30pm – “I’m going to bed earlier than usual, so I can start becoming an early bird! I think I’m really gonna be something great now!”
Sleep end: October 4th, 2014 5:30am: “Why? Why am I getting up, what is the point? Is my work really that important? Forget it, I’ll sleep for another half an hour.”
And another, and another, and another. Until: finally. Let’s get the routine going. Nope. Going on a walk. Can’t do this today.
The alarm clock game is a recent invention of mine (don’t ask for the patent though).
Late nights and early mornings and a propensity for low energy have lead to this exciting game of daring and heroism. Here are the rules:
1. Go to bed as late as possible. Work on something (preferably on a computer so the blue glow of the screen can completely ruin your circadian rhythms), until your eyes feel like they are going to melt out of your head (if you have a hard time focusing your sight, you’ve made it!)
2. Set a goal for when you plan to wake up. Make it unreasonable and completely foolhardy so as to assure that you will live up to the ideal you have in your head (I once had a Russian man tell me how when he first got to America, he got three hours of sleep every night and worked 2 or 3 jobs. Try to be him!)
3. Set your alarm. If you’re using your phone, make the alarm a song that you enjoy, so that you will eventually come to hate it after a few times playing the game.
4. Don’t go to bed yet! Push more and write in your journal. Try and gather some cohesive thoughts and spew them on the page. Then read a few pages of a book! Feel the adrenaline rise! And fall…
5. Now turn off the light and crash, kamikaze style. Boom!
6. [Newly-ruined song blares in your ears at the crack of dawn] Time to wake up! Nope. Set the alarm for another half an hour.
7. Now?! Nope. Set the alarm for another half an hour. Question your motives and current path of life: why you do the things you do? Fall into a coma…
8. Now? Nope. Set the alarm for another half an hour. “I am so tired!”
9. Now? Maybe… uh nope! Set the alarm for another half an hour.
10. Now? Set the alarm for another half an hour. Then turn it off. Get up and try to fix your eyes on an object in the room. Attempt to relive the long-past days of summer and recall what it felt like to get rest.
Game complete. Repeat until midlife crisis occurs.
INSTRUCTIONS FOR TERMINATION OF GAME PARTICIPATION:
1. Take 150mg of Humility, 200mg of Grace, and 250mg of Common Sense. Await effects (Doses supplied by loved-ones, usually significant others and parents).
2. Change course and create new sleep schedule to avoid midlife crisis and/or burnout. We recommend 7 hours of rest a night, if possible. If this is not possible, rise early rather than staying up late.
3. As an extra boost, download the Sleep Cycle Application for iOS or Android ($.99).